4 years..and it's over.

1st year, I hated Uni. I wanted to leave within the first week, declaring that this wasn't for me.
2nd year, I had panic attacks about lectures and tutorials, so barely attended any.
3rd and 4th year, I loved. I sorted myself out, picked really interesting subjects, and worked my ass off to do the best I could.

And I finally got the results of 4 years of work...a 2.1 MA in English and Film and Visual Culture...!

Overjoyed..!

A letter...

Dear customers,

If I'm going to keep working here, you're going to have to behave better.
When you knock things to the floor, don't just leave them there. I can see you do it, and it's rude.
This isn't Primark.

Much appreciated.

Looming.

We were given today as the day our dissertation marks would be sent out...perhaps that's the reason I didn't sleep a wink last night, but I am terrified. All the work that was put in is going to be quantified into a number of what its worth to someone else. Scary..! I really liked my dissertation, and I thought it was good. Obviously, I'm bias, but still..

On that note..

Speaking of frivolous spending, I'm now looking at cars. It's hard to tell how reliable something is from a photo... I just want something with 4 doors that won't break down all the time and costs less than £45 to fill up the tank.

Does this car exist?

Frivolity...

Not being rich is expensive. I'm working part-time to save up some money to go travelling and 'find myself', as most people say they're going to do. I just want a holiday and a tan. Life, however, is proving to be an obstacle. I'm clearly not destined to go and hang out in the States for a month.

I'm now one of those people who try and find the cheapest petrol, and who tut loudly at the price when it's been raised by a penny. I have to think about that when I decide if I want to go and do something, and car-sharing is now a firm must, even if it means cramming the whole friendship group into one Fiesta.

My M.O.T cost me £350 last month. My car broke down the week after. It broke down again last night. How am I supposed to afford a holiday when pieces of my car are disintegrating when I look at it?!

I guess all the frivolous spending on clothes and shoes will have to stop...

Note to self. Work more. Spend less.

4 years...

It may be beneficial to any readers to be aware of what I have actually graduated in. I currently hold an MA in English Literature and Film and Visual Culture. Quite a mouthful, and amusing to see people's confused faces. Not the English part, obviously, but people have no idea what I study when I tell them Film and Visual Culture. Essentially, it's all aspects of media and visual culture (art, film, photography) and how they relate to society and how we view and analyse them as an audience. It was unbelievably interesting, and I loved that side of things.

Originally, I was studying English and French, but was lured to Film when the new degree of Visual Culture opened up. Plus, French is freaking hard.

"Oh, so you're going to be a teacher?"

"No."

"What else can you do?"

"....um.....secretary?"

Great. Even I'm doubting my degree's potential. Oh well, there's always the trophy-wife clause..

Filling my days...

The moment I handed my dissertation in, I felt an impending sense of boredom wash over me. The months I spent writing it had given my mind something to focus on and truth be told, the dissertation occupied a huge amount of my time. When it was handed in, I had nothing to do, and nothing to focus on.

I never thought I'd miss going to class, but at least it gave me something constructive to do during the day. Now, my weeks spread in front of my like a vast expanse of boredom, and I'm struggling to find things to fill my day with.

You should probably know that I intend to look for a full-time (also known as "grown-up") job after summer. For now, I want to relax, enjoy my last summer, and raise some funds for a holiday.

One of the best things I've found after University is that reading is fun again. For four loooong years, I've had to stick to a strict reading list. Frankly, I didn't have time or motivation to read anything else when I was being forced to read something of someone else's choice. Now, it's so different! I can peruse Amazon, stroll down the paperback aisle, and walk into the library without wanting to cry from essay pressure. I'm two weeks out of Uni, and I've read three large paperbacks. I intend to keep up the reading, and need to get my backside to the library to stock up. Surprisingly, murder mystery novels aren't too popular on University reading lists...

An avid fan of trash tv, I've managed to absorb crappy TV series with a vengeance. As a way of procrastinating the dissertation, I watched 192 episodes of Gilmore Girls. I'm now onto America's Got Talent (scraping the barrel, I know), Project Runway, and Janice Dickinsons Modeling Agency. I shouldn't be allowed a computer; I'm clearly using it for the wrong reasons..

But what else to do...

"The Best Years of Your Life"

Well, I can confirm that these so-called "best years" are officially over. In fact, they seemed to end a few months ago when the dissertation fear loomed over every fellow student.
So, I have achieved the ultimate status. I have managed what countless women fought for my right to do, and I have letters after my name. Not yet, actually, as I haven't had the graduation ceremony, but the letters are hovering nearby, ready and waiting.

No, I wasn't ready to finish. And no, I don't know what comes next. I wasn't one of the people that planned and did work experience every opportunity. I am literally in limbo. I am not prepared for the questions of the people that have  nothing else to ask but, "so, what's next?" You tell me. I respond with a jovial, nonchalant attitude I have perfected, "I think I'll take a year out, maybe travel." Inside I'm terrified. I have no answer, and my answer doesn't seem to satisfy anybody who asks. They all expect me to have my life sorted out by now - after all, I've got a degree.

Well, bully for me.